Let me start out this entry by saying I'm Sorry.

I'm sorry to everyone who's been looking for me the past couple of weeks. I'm sorry to everyone who's needed me, who's needed a friend or someone to vent on, or just someone to be there.

I'm sorry, because I haven't been there. The truth is, I've really stopped caring. Not about all of you, no. I'd never stop caring about my friends, my family. Rather. I've just stopped caring in general. It's kind of the way I felt right before we moved two years ago. I just can't find it in me to care.

I don't feel angry, or upset, or happy, or depressed. I don't feel anything.

And I'm sorry to say that this is because my father turned out to be a total asshole - more-so than he already was, that is.

But I'm not going to go into explaination. Most every one of you knows how it feels to have a father who's like that. You know what it feels like when your parents are divorced.

But your parents don't live in different states.

One of your best friends isn't moving in with your father in a matter of weeks.

And I'm sure, yes, I'm nearly positive, that you father isn't spending your child support money - the money that is rightfully yours by law, on that "best friend" of yours.

No, I'm sure that isn't happening to you. I'm sure your father doesn't make lame excuses as to why he can't drive seven hours to pick you up, but he can drive six to go visit your "best friend" and her mother.

And I'm also sure your father didn't buy them a car, or that he's letting them bring their smelly, disgusting cats with them when they move in with him - even though he hates cats.

And I'm positive that your father doesn't try to buy your affection, or try to bribe you with half-assed promises to see your friends, because - oh, that's right. You all still live in the same state.

So I'll face it. I'll admit it. We've grown apart. It's the thing I dreaded most, because it always hurts when friends grow apart, and they slowly stop talking. Soon, they don't know anything about each other anymore, because even when they talk, their conversations are akward and uneasy. Soon that trust they formed through their years of friendship is gone. But without trust, there is no love. They don't love each other as friends, family, or anything anymore.

That's what it's like when friends grow apart.

It was something I didn't want to see happen. I didn't want to lose the only friends I had ever had.

But it was inevitable. While we were all just so much alike, it turns out we were really too different. We don't understand each other as friends should anymore.

And all while I'm typing this, I feel like it doesn't make any sense. Nothing I say makes sense anymore. And even if it does, I know this is useless, because no one listens to me. No one cares about what I have to say, or what I feel. Or what I don't feel.

Because my father is absorbed in taking care of his "new" family, and my mother, when not at work, is absorbed in talking to her friends and screwing around with guys she meets online.

So what am I left with, but a memory of the friendships we once beheld.

So, I'll do the right thing. I'll leave you alone. I won't speak unless spoken to, and I won't interfere with your daily lives. If you want to spend your time around skanks and whores, people who smoke, do drugs, and get knocked up by their boyfriends, that's fine. It's your life, and I won't bother you any more.

I'm not really sure what I can say to make you feel a little better, but I hope that this'll help a bit...

I'll always be here for you as best I can and I love you very much. ^_^ And, if I could, I would give you a hug.